im just frustrated. more at the police than at you but its complicated
you had to have known that it wasnt going to work. and you put people in danger anyway
['Put people in danger' is probably his polite way of saying 'you locked someone in a closet'. Someone that could have been Isaac. Which would have been- very dangerous indeed. He's still not sure what to think of someone who would use their power like that. Not that it's inherently bad, but as a friend? Someone he's supposed to trust?]
[she sits there staring at the reply; much longer than she expected. She types a few things up and quickly decides they sound terrible, tries again and nearly throws her tablet at the wall in frustration when nothing seems to come out right]
No, the problem is that my trap did work. I rewrote it so that it would not hurt anyone, and yet someone still got hurt because of it. So.
i meant the mutiny. a small group of people changing things around here while everyone else has crazy powers and weapons? you were outnumbered and outgunned from the start. youre lucky you arent dead
im not angry. its not me that got locked up or anything. i dont really know how to feel at this point
im sorry was i supposed to say desperate? because i get it. trust me if i thought you had a chance i would have been fighting next to you. but you didnt. you made a statement you pissed everyone off and you wound up in jail indefinitely
i still supported you. i do now. i want you out but jesus you cant just claim that youre bringing about a peaceful revolution and lock people in closets. do you know what that does to people? and now that i want to make a difference, now that im trying to do something as a result of what happened all you have to say is that everyone will disagree with me
fine. im out. ive been out. im not involved and the first chance i get, im getting off of this rock.
[before she can finish reading the reply, she's switching on the voice to respond - because fuck everyone in the room right now, forget trying to type on this thing she still isn't that used to. This is not how she saw this going, this is now where she wanted it going, and she told Peter she didn't want to push things away anymore - so this is her desperate attempt not to do that]
Isaac. [it's almost pleading, how his name comes out, and as she starts speaking, her voice shakes, every now and then] The whole point of the bloody thing was to get people to think - do you really think we thought we would get away without getting caught? We knew what would happen. That is why I set that trap, just in case—and it bloody went wrong, because I do not know what happens to a person locked in a room like that. I did not know it even worked until Sofiya's post and Peter came to speak to me—I get it, and no matter how many times I apologize it will not make what I did any more right. I know.
But the reason I do not want you to do anything is because I do not want anyone else getting hurt! I do not care if you are a werewolf and you can protect yourself, or that you think you can get away with it—I do not want you getting hurt again. Okay? That is why I was so against it. That is why I am happy that you are not longer involved. I - [she pauses, finally, and then forces it out; it's no less true, but she sounds scared, almost, for admitting it] You are my friend and I care about you, and I just want you to avoid it all. That is it.
[she goes quiet, almost long enough that maybe she's done, but then she says the next bit quietly]
[He's not a fan of switching to voice, but he hears her all the same, listening to her, his eyes downcast and he's not sure how to respond. Part of her is right, he knows this, he doesn't doubt that she cares about him. But all of this has rubbed him the wrong way, has startled him- not just on a rational level, but somewhere deeper that he doesn't want to discuss. The woman who saved his life thought it was okay to lock people in closets. The girl he'd flirted with had set a trap and another person had gotten hurt because of it.
She regrets it. She's apologized. But Isaac still doesn't know how to feel about it.]
im in the room with peter right now so im not gonna respond in voice
the jesse thing wasnt about you not entirely. he lied to me he told me hed give powers back if he was ever forced to take them. knowing someone is walking around with that ability, someone who can refuse to give them back and theres nothing anyone can do about it?
it scares the hell out of me. i dont like it. i gave up too much to be what i am now. its not just me getting hurt its me protecting myself and what i am. thats why i want to do something.
i dont want to talk about why you guys did anything anymore. im done with these arguments that dont solve anything. whatever you did i dont care. its fine
[she really, really wishes she wasn't locked up right now. So she could find Isaac and have this conversation in person; she's had so many important conversations over this damned device and it drives it crazy - she wants to be honest with people and here she is, still hiding behind something, even if it's against her wishes.
She switches back to text, because she doesn't think she can talk without crying, and she's done that far too many times for her liking]
It's not fine. But I will not talk about it anymore.
But I know - it is frightening, what he can do. I have never been scared of anyone before, and even though we have made amends he terrifies me when I think of how easy it is for him to simply take my magic away again.
But do not misunderstand - if you need to protect yourself, then do it. When you talk about this, it sounds like you want to go out and start a fight with him, and that is why I keep asking you not to. What is it that you want to do, Isaac? This "something"?
i want to lock him up. failing that, i want to kill him. dont tell me its a bad idea i already know it is. im trying to stay uninvolved for you and for peter. that doesnt mean its easy
Do you know, I became a mercenary to hunt down a man and kill him? I thought that when that day came, I would be prepared. But I was only a little younger than you when I killed someone for the first time - self defense, because he would have killed me if I hadn't. That was ten years ago, and to this day I still have nightmares about it.
When I finally found that man though, eight years later, I thought I was ready again. And yet, it took me two years to work up the nerve to do it. Two years, when all I had to do was reach out and snap his neck any time I was near him. And when I finally did it? I was less ready for it than I had ever been. Despite why I had been hunting him down in the first place.
You are not just taking a life when you kill someone - you are killing a part of yourself, too. And I am not saying that to be dramatic, I am saying that because I know it does. Regardless of the reason, it changes you, and never for the better.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
freezerburned) wrote2012-08-21 10:00 pm
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not much else to do around here though. the pissing contest on the network is two weeks old at this point and nothing is happening
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Maybe my punishment is to die from boredom.
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But I cannot and will not ask him to stay any longer than he wants to. And I can only flirt with James so much before even that loses appeal.
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i guess ill talk to you if you ever get out
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Instead of replying to that, she asks a question instead]
Are you mad at me?
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im just frustrated. more at the police than at you but its complicated
you had to have known that it wasnt going to work. and you put people in danger anyway
['Put people in danger' is probably his polite way of saying 'you locked someone in a closet'. Someone that could have been Isaac. Which would have been- very dangerous indeed. He's still not sure what to think of someone who would use their power like that. Not that it's inherently bad, but as a friend? Someone he's supposed to trust?]
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No, the problem is that my trap did work. I rewrote it so that it would not hurt anyone, and yet someone still got hurt because of it. So.
You have every right to be angry at me.
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im not angry. its not me that got locked up or anything. i dont really know how to feel at this point
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You and me both, then.
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im sorry was i supposed to say desperate? because i get it. trust me if i thought you had a chance i would have been fighting next to you. but you didnt. you made a statement you pissed everyone off and you wound up in jail indefinitely
i still supported you. i do now. i want you out but jesus you cant just claim that youre bringing about a peaceful revolution and lock people in closets. do you know what that does to people? and now that i want to make a difference, now that im trying to do something as a result of what happened all you have to say is that everyone will disagree with me
fine. im out. ive been out. im not involved and the first chance i get, im getting off of this rock.
have fun in jail
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Isaac. [it's almost pleading, how his name comes out, and as she starts speaking, her voice shakes, every now and then] The whole point of the bloody thing was to get people to think - do you really think we thought we would get away without getting caught? We knew what would happen. That is why I set that trap, just in case—and it bloody went wrong, because I do not know what happens to a person locked in a room like that. I did not know it even worked until Sofiya's post and Peter came to speak to me—I get it, and no matter how many times I apologize it will not make what I did any more right. I know.
But the reason I do not want you to do anything is because I do not want anyone else getting hurt! I do not care if you are a werewolf and you can protect yourself, or that you think you can get away with it—I do not want you getting hurt again. Okay? That is why I was so against it. That is why I am happy that you are not longer involved. I - [she pauses, finally, and then forces it out; it's no less true, but she sounds scared, almost, for admitting it] You are my friend and I care about you, and I just want you to avoid it all. That is it.
[she goes quiet, almost long enough that maybe she's done, but then she says the next bit quietly]
Okay? I just don't want anyone else getting hurt.
text still
She regrets it. She's apologized. But Isaac still doesn't know how to feel about it.]
im in the room with peter right now so im not gonna respond in voice
the jesse thing wasnt about you not entirely. he lied to me he told me hed give powers back if he was ever forced to take them. knowing someone is walking around with that ability, someone who can refuse to give them back and theres nothing anyone can do about it?
it scares the hell out of me. i dont like it. i gave up too much to be what i am now. its not just me getting hurt its me protecting myself and what i am. thats why i want to do something.
i dont want to talk about why you guys did anything anymore. im done with these arguments that dont solve anything. whatever you did i dont care. its fine
text again
She switches back to text, because she doesn't think she can talk without crying, and she's done that far too many times for her liking]
It's not fine. But I will not talk about it anymore.
But I know - it is frightening, what he can do. I have never been scared of anyone before, and even though we have made amends he terrifies me when I think of how easy it is for him to simply take my magic away again.
But do not misunderstand - if you need to protect yourself, then do it. When you talk about this, it sounds like you want to go out and start a fight with him, and that is why I keep asking you not to. What is it that you want to do, Isaac? This "something"?
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i want to lock him up. failing that, i want to kill him. dont tell me its a bad idea i already know it is. im trying to stay uninvolved for you and for peter. that doesnt mean its easy
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So I understand, okay? I do. Had you been the one hurt, had your powers taken, I would be doing the same thing. I know it isn't easy.
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i dont remember my first night as a werewolf. i dont remember my first few days on the moon.
consciously? no. but theres a first time for everything and im ready to do whatever i have to
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Do you know, I became a mercenary to hunt down a man and kill him? I thought that when that day came, I would be prepared. But I was only a little younger than you when I killed someone for the first time - self defense, because he would have killed me if I hadn't. That was ten years ago, and to this day I still have nightmares about it.
When I finally found that man though, eight years later, I thought I was ready again. And yet, it took me two years to work up the nerve to do it. Two years, when all I had to do was reach out and snap his neck any time I was near him. And when I finally did it? I was less ready for it than I had ever been. Despite why I had been hunting him down in the first place.
You are not just taking a life when you kill someone - you are killing a part of yourself, too. And I am not saying that to be dramatic, I am saying that because I know it does. Regardless of the reason, it changes you, and never for the better.
Is that something you are willing to accept?
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