freezerburned | IC Contact for Asgard

[ Is it weird that Allison's contacting Isaac before she contacts Scott? That saying I remember stabbing you now and I'm really sorry is easier to say than We broke up back home and explaining that to the boyfriend she was living with before she went home? Or went into a coma and witnessed what happened back home, whatever it was that happened? It feels weird, but that's what's happening. ]

I just wanted to let you know that I'm awake again. Or back, I guess.

[ There's an "In case you were worried" almost tacked on there, but she deletes it before sending the message. ]

[ There's a few minutes worth of delay between that message and this next one, mostly because Allison doesn't really know how to say it. She knows she wants to after her memories from Asgard came flooding back, mixing with and muddling up the new memories of home, putting her in a seriously conflicting spot. But it's been a day now and she knows that she at least needs to tell people she's back. And she can't just let Isaac think she doesn't remember what happened, that she isn't actually sorry for it now that she remembers it. ]

I also wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened back home. I could give you a long list of excuses, but none of them will excuse what I did.

[ She knows that they're friends here in Asgard, that he's forgiven her for it already (or seems to have) but it's different now that she remembers stabbing him. She doesn't feel like she deserves absolution or forgiveness. ]

[He's been expecting- well. Hoping for some kind of communication. When Scott told him that Allison had gone home, warned him to expect her to come back with a desire to kill him, it had taken him by surprise, but also gave him cause for concern. Isaac doesn't want to go back on the friendship that they've made, but he also doesn't want to force her into an uncomfortable situation.

Which is why the apology rings odd to him. Odd, but a rather pleasant surprise, and Isaac just finds himself staring at the screen, not sure how to respond.]

...its fine. i already forgave you

im glad youre awake

[ There are feelings left over from home, the kind that made her snap in the first place, but if she's being honest, most of them are directed towards Derek. And even then, they're far less than they would've been if she'd stayed back home. With her Asgard memories, Allison's got more information than she did back home (god, how getting the entire story would've changed things) and, in Isaac's case, she has different feelings that conflict with her heartbreak and need for revenge.

Honestly, she feels like a jumbled mess right now, but she knows with absolute certainty that she doesn't want to lose Isaac's friendship here. Things may be a bit more strained between them again for a while, especially on her end, but it's not because of him; it's because of her and her guilt. ]

It's not fine, Isaac. And I didn't remember when you forgave me. I do now.

[ And that makes things different, at least in Allison's eyes. ]

Yeah. Me too.

[ Sort of. She's really not looking forward to breaking up with Scott all over again. ]

so were going through this again

i was mad for awhile but i cooled off. youve helped me now way more than you ever hurt me so consider it even i guess

[He held it against her for quite awhile in Asgard- which caused enough friction to anger them both, but ultimately, Allison is a genuine, nice person and as Scott had told him, it's impossible not to like her. Even if she's stabbed you a few times.]

[ Despite how close they'd gotten while here in Asgard, Allison honestly wasn't expecting him to be this cool about it. Which is ridiculous, all things considering, because he has already forgiven her. (What she doesn't realize is the forgiveness she's seeking is her own.) ]

Right. I know. And I'm sorry, I just... Having it fresh in my mind but knowing we're friends despite it is really confusing. And I needed you to know that I remember AND I'm still sorry for what happened, since the first time I apologize, it hadn't happened for me yet.

[ There might have been a small part of her that didn't want to believe it would happen, too. Like knowing about it here in Asgard would somehow make things happen differently back home, would save her mom or at least save Allison from becoming that crazed hunter hellbent on revenge. ]

I probably sound like a nutcase right now, don't I?

not really. i get it. and im... sort of glad you feel the same way after everything.

[Wait, that sounds bad.]

i mean im not glad that you feel bad or anything. but when scott told me you went back i was... i dunno i was worried that youd come back and hate me

that sounds terrible but you know what i mean

I think I get it, yeah.

[ And even though he can't see it, there's the tiniest smile gracing her face (for a split second, anyway) because of the fact that he was worried. It's still hard to combine how she felt back home and how she felt here, to put the two together and try to come up with something that makes sense. Honestly, it's hurting her head worse than crying has. ]

I don't blame you for the way you behaved when you first got here, either. I think I still kind of did before.

[ Sort of. At least on some level, though it clearly wasn't a large enough one to impact their friendship. Which should be obvious considering the fact that she's not only talking to him now but also apologized.

Also, admitting that? Way easier than admitting to anything else she's feeling. Like how confused and rattled and scared and completely heartbroken she is. How desperately she needs a friend to lean on, especially with Lydia and Jackson gone. ]

[Isaac isn't surprised that she'd held his behavior against him- he'd acted like a dick, plain and simple. At the time, he thought she'd deserved it, that he was in the right, but then... Isaac never really apologized for being cruel to her, did he? He never felt the need to before, not when things segued into a casual friendship and, gradually, a closer one.

So he leaves the text box blank for a few minutes before carefully typing out his next response, because apologies don't necessarily come easy to him either, and it's difficult to admit that he'd been wrong when he thought he was acting for his own survival.]

i guess i wasnt the nicest guy in town to you. which wasnt really... fair of me? yeah.

im sorry for that by the way. i can get pretty defensive but- well i guess you know. its in your familys code right?

[Hunting those who hunt you... it's not just a hunter's catchphrase, not really. It's the concept of self defense, of survival. And if Isaac is good at anything, he's good at surviving. Even if that means that he hurts others around him.]

[ Allison lets out a quiet sound - something that's partially laughter and partially strangled heartache - when he mentions the code. Which is exactly why she went with text. (There's also the fact that she's pretty sure she never would've been able to say this; text is easier. Plus, she can take her time and actually think about what she's going to stay rather than just blurting it out or feeling pressured to respond quickly.) ]

Basically, yeah. Even if it wasn't, I'm pretty sure it's just human nature.

[ The basic instinct is to protect oneself, no matter the enemy, right? ]

thats true

but yeah. no hard feelings. i wasnt exactly the most friendly person after derek turned me anyway.

[Which is about as close as Isaac will get to saying 'I was a royal dick', but hey. And it takes a long few moments before he decides to continue. He's never quite regretted talking about the hard stuff with Allison before- they're similar in the strangest of ways, and there's some small part of him which thinks that Allison probably understands who he is more than Derek, or even Scott.]

its just been a huge change. for all of us i mean. weve lost parents and friends and weve been used and hurt. things... well they suck. if i blame you for what you did back then, then i think id have to really look at what i did after my dad died. i dont wanna do that

so. for the sake of ease... do you think we can go back to the way we were before? in the city i mean. i kind of liked being friends with you

[ Allison's friends with Jackson Whittemore; she's good at reading between the lines and figuring out what people mean when they say certain things. But just the fact that Isaac's admitting to it and apologizing as well... It means more than Allison could probably say. Especially since she still feels the weight of guilt on her shoulders, despite Isaac's acceptance of her own apology.

She definitely agrees with that second part, too, but the third is more important to address. ]

I'd really like to try, but... Things are different now. I'M different now. So I don't know if we even can go back to the way it was.

[ After she sends that, Allison quickly follows it up with another text: ]

I still consider you my friend, I just don't want to make promises I can't keep. With everything that happened back home and with everything that's going to happen here, it's not going to be the same as it was. Do you get what I mean?

[ She doesn't want him to just expect things to be absolutely 100% exactly how they were; their friendship will likely end up changing slightly, at least on her end, because Allison has changed. But that doesn't change the fact that she trusts him, that she cares about him, that she wants to continue having him in her life to see where it leads. ]

[He shouldn't take that as a blow, but he does. Allison is more than likely already breaking it off with Scott, so really, Isaac shouldn't be surprised that she wants to change their relationship as well. The second text helps to ease the sudden hurt, but he's still nervous, unsure of what she means or what this is going to entail.

She says it's not going to be the same. He doesn't know how to take that.]

right. yeah its fine.

i guess ill see you when i see you then?

[He doesn't want to take it as ending their friendship, but from how it reads, it just seems like Allison is trying to let him down easy. And he can understand that- really, he can. It's just... not really what he was hoping for.]

[ It's far, far less about that - she'll do what she can to save their friendship - and more about she's not sure how to keep things the way they were with how completely broken she feels. She has changed, whether she wanted to or not, and that will change things between them. She's not sure how, but she knows it's inevitable. One person can't go through what she's gone through and stay the light-hearted, happy person she had been. And maybe that won't bother Isaac, maybe he won't even notice much of a difference in her or their friendship, but she will. ]

Maybe we can get lunch in a couple days? I just need time to get my bearings.

[ Time to grieve, actually, but. ]

[He takes a deep breath and reads her text, his lips pursed a little- but that makes things a bit better. At least with this, he knows that Allison still wants to see him again. He'll have to take that for what it's worth.]

yeah of course. let me know whenever youre ready. its not like im doing much in the meantime

Edited 2013-12-14 04:20 (UTC)

[ The fact that he's letting her do this at her pace is very, very much appreciated. Especially since she didn't even really have to ask. ]

I will.

Thanks, Isaac.

IC Contact for Asgard

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