[Isaac nods slowly, saving his game and shutting his gameboy off. He's not typically good at talking things through- generally, he'd prefer to just sort of skirt around it and poke fun at it until it's just another thing, but so much has happened with regard to Peter that he doesn't really know where he'd begin.]
I was... pretty upset when I kissed you. The first time, I mean.
[He shrugs.]
I didn't think about what I was doing. Everything it was complicating. I mean, I- I don't regret it, but it wasn't exactly a rational decision.
Yeah, I know. Instinct's a funny thing, what you do when you stop thinking.
[there's nothing in his voice that sounds critical. peter spent several months on the moon in a state where instinct came first and thought after, and he's not exactly unused to the feeling from when he's a wolf. it's also not exactly far from how he lives a lot of his life.]
What does it complicate?
[a pause]
I bet that sounds like a weird question. But...
[he points one of his index fingers at the other, mimes them passing each other instead of touching. he feels like he's missing something big.]
[The question sort of confuses him, and Isaac watches Peter's hands before pulling back a little so he can look at him properly. The action makes their toes brush again and he tugs his feet away slightly.]
How wouldn't it complicate things? [He sighs, looking down toward his hands, tangling them in the bedsheets.]
We live together. We spend- basically every waking moment together. Full moons, food, sleep. It ends badly and I need a new place to live. It ends well, and I wind up relying on you for everything. Not just my best friend, my full moon accomplice, my video game partner and supplier, but- also that.
[With that being said, he just gives a halfhearted shrug.] And I'm not going to even start on what it means with me trying to negotiate being in two separate packs.
[peter tilts his head, and it's his turn to look a little confused.]
Ends? I'm not...you realize that I'm not angling for a boyfriend-y kind of thing, right? Or even an exclusive thing, unless that matters to you. Romance and labels and weird social obligations...I'm really not boyfriend material. I don't want you to think I'm trying to keep you bottled up here or anything. You'll be spending lots of time with Scott, right? Your real pack and all, and I'd think that would help him understand...whatever. Moons are gonna change...a lot of things are changing, and that's okay. You have people besides me, and that's okay too. Good, even.
[he lets out a little breath, the ones that sound amused but aren't quite comfortable, shakes his head.]
But shit, you think I don't rely on you? Not just because I can't fight for shit. Half the time I go out and after a few hours I'm ready to come home, because...you make my head quiet. Like playing guitar or walking in the woods. I've never known anyone but Lynda who made my head quiet.
[he hesitates for a moment, chews his lip for a moment before letting it slide from between his teeth. the idea that scott can dictate who isaac does or doesn't have sex with leaves him deeply uncomfortable, but he's really not sure he wants to go there, not after the last time.]
[Real pack. That notion sort of wrenches something in Isaac's gut, and he looks up toward Peter with a frown, unable to really interject because Peter keeps talking and Isaac can't reply without first trying to work through all of his words. It's, frankly, a lot to process. Peter doesn't want a boyfriend, doesn't want to control him, welcomes him to spend time with Scott, relies on him-
It's a lot to take in, and Isaac thinks that Peter's been waiting to have this talk for a long time.]
Well- for what it's worth, when I'm around you, I don't want to hurt people. Much, anyway. Anymore. Sort of.
[Which is about as close to 'getting his head quiet' as it really gets.]
If I had a better friend, don't you think I'd be living with them? [Not, of course, that Allison and Erica and Tempest and all of the others aren't great. But Scott is his alpha, Allison is more or less off limits- and has been weirdly distant anyway- Erica is... new and complicated. Who else would he be with?]
[the truth is that yes, peter's been considering where exactly it is that he's standing since he woke up cramped and sore and tangled up in isaac and blankets on the couch, although whether he anticipated ever having it is something else. isaac's words make him drop his head and almost chuckle, and he nudges isaac's hand with the knuckle of his index finger.]
You do know how to compliment a guy. What was that frown for?
[he looks away for a second, because he hadn't thought about it, hadn't really intended to undermine the importance of the fact that isaac could've just bailed, and he didn't, that he's struggling to stay.]
Sorry. That's not how I meant it. Original, I guess.
[But he's starting to smile again, and Isaac tucks the gameboy under his pillow, before lifting up to rest himself on his elbow. He doesn't want to talk about Scott now or try to compare the packs- not when he could be raking his gaze down Peter's rumpled pajamas and lingering rather pointedly.]
...I guess I shouldn't be surprised that there isn't a catch with a guy like you. No romance, no obligation or monogamy- you just want what you want, and you'll be happier with it in simple packages. Am I wrong?
[the eyerake makes him go still for a moment, and then he grins, rolls onto his side, facing isaac.]
Seems like you've got me figured out. Catches, locks, traps...really not my thing from either side.
[god only knows that their lives are tangled up so thoroughly anyway that naming it something or playing at romance seems extraordinarily pointless and kind of silly, even if peter was any good at that kind of thing.]
I just want what I want.
[he looks down the line of isaac's body, gaze slow]
[Isaac is grinning now, maybe a little stupidly, so he rolls onto his elbows and stomach to hide his face a little, incidentally pressing his shoulder against Peter's chest. When he gets control over himself, he tilts his head up, mildly surprised at the proximity that the simple movement has given him.]
What are you going to do about it? [Ultimately, he just decides to go with the change in positions and leans in a little closer until their noses are almost touching and his eyes flicker with gold- powerful, daring him.]
[there's no way that isaac can't hear peter's heart speed when he leans close, or the little intake of breath when his eyes glow golden. he's smiling, crooked and a little silly until his eyes hood, just the slightest bit.]
Taking that as an invitation, I think.
[he leans in to kiss isaac slow enough that isaac could pull away, his eyes open and watching, but there's no hesitation there at all. isaac's given him permission and he's taking it, and while there's not force in it, peter definitely kisses like he means it.]
[It's what Isaac wanted, really, and so he kisses Peter back without hesitation, pleased that Peter was the one to initiate this. It's not like their previous kisses- full of rage and frustration and then guilt and surprise. This is premeditated, open, with an actual understanding of what they were doing.
It feels entirely different, and Isaac leans closer into him, feeling the warmth from him, hearing the racing of his heart, and it makes him want to smile into the kiss. He doesn't pull away this time, doesn't change the subject and try to push what's happening to the back of his mind. There's just this- them, pressing lightly together in the bed that they've shared since first coming back from the moon.]
[peter does smile, just a little, when isaac leans in, because why the hell not? it's worth smiling about. he hums a soft sound and lifts a hand to slide it into isaac's hair, his thumb coming to rest gentle just in front of his ear. he licks isaac's lower lip, lets his teeth drag lightly over it. peter likes kissing, likes the closeness and taste and rhythm of it, and he moves closer to isaac but he's not in any rush to push for more.]
[It continues like that for a few long moments, gentle teeth and tongues, and Isaac makes a little sound into the kiss as he pulls back, mouth quirking in a slight smile. He's flushing a little, but his heart is strangely steady.]
[peter shrugs a little, his smile shy. he seems somehow calmer now than he was before, cheeks warm but breath even. his fingers scratch light and idle circles over isaac's scalp, kind of like he doesn't realize he's doing it.]
Yeah. Guess I should've figured that, all things considered.
[he lets out a self-depreciating little snort.]
I won't get mad at you for asking, y'know. Anything. If I don't want to answer I won't, but you can always ask. Didn't even realize I wasn't being clear. [he taps isaac's head gently with one fingertip.] Not quite a mindreader.
[peter shifts a bit to get comfortable so that he can see the gameboy too, folding his pillow and pillowing that on his arm so that his chin rests on isaac's shoulder, his arm around isaac's chest in the same seatbelt-ish way that he does in the middle of the night when isaac has nightmares.]
[He smiles at the familiar grip and reaches for the gameboy, playing on it for a few long, silent minutes. Every once in awhile, he'll murmur something back to Peter, nudge against his cheek when he's trying to get him to pay attention, points out a mechanic in the game- but when that gets tiresome, he's more than content to let himself relax fully against the other boy and close the game.
He'll probably fall asleep like this in a few minutes, without really saying another word. Just warm, comfortable, trusting.
[peter starts out watching isaac play, and he means to keep watching, but he finds that his eyes slip closed in the lulls when isaac isn't speaking. for the first time since the moon it feels like everything is really relaxed instead of just calm and quiet.
when isaac closes the gameboy peter lets his folded pillow unfold, drops an absent kiss on isaac's shoulder and then lies his head down where it usually goes. by the time isaac's breathing goes even in sleep, peter's dozing, and it doesn't take him much longer to fall asleep as well.]
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freezerburned) wrote2012-08-21 10:00 pm
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I was... pretty upset when I kissed you. The first time, I mean.
[He shrugs.]
I didn't think about what I was doing. Everything it was complicating. I mean, I- I don't regret it, but it wasn't exactly a rational decision.
action
[there's nothing in his voice that sounds critical. peter spent several months on the moon in a state where instinct came first and thought after, and he's not exactly unused to the feeling from when he's a wolf. it's also not exactly far from how he lives a lot of his life.]
What does it complicate?
[a pause]
I bet that sounds like a weird question. But...
[he points one of his index fingers at the other, mimes them passing each other instead of touching. he feels like he's missing something big.]
action
How wouldn't it complicate things? [He sighs, looking down toward his hands, tangling them in the bedsheets.]
We live together. We spend- basically every waking moment together. Full moons, food, sleep. It ends badly and I need a new place to live. It ends well, and I wind up relying on you for everything. Not just my best friend, my full moon accomplice, my video game partner and supplier, but- also that.
[With that being said, he just gives a halfhearted shrug.] And I'm not going to even start on what it means with me trying to negotiate being in two separate packs.
action
Ends? I'm not...you realize that I'm not angling for a boyfriend-y kind of thing, right? Or even an exclusive thing, unless that matters to you. Romance and labels and weird social obligations...I'm really not boyfriend material. I don't want you to think I'm trying to keep you bottled up here or anything. You'll be spending lots of time with Scott, right? Your real pack and all, and I'd think that would help him understand...whatever. Moons are gonna change...a lot of things are changing, and that's okay. You have people besides me, and that's okay too. Good, even.
[he lets out a little breath, the ones that sound amused but aren't quite comfortable, shakes his head.]
But shit, you think I don't rely on you? Not just because I can't fight for shit. Half the time I go out and after a few hours I'm ready to come home, because...you make my head quiet. Like playing guitar or walking in the woods. I've never known anyone but Lynda who made my head quiet.
[he hesitates for a moment, chews his lip for a moment before letting it slide from between his teeth. the idea that scott can dictate who isaac does or doesn't have sex with leaves him deeply uncomfortable, but he's really not sure he wants to go there, not after the last time.]
...best friend?
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It's a lot to take in, and Isaac thinks that Peter's been waiting to have this talk for a long time.]
Well- for what it's worth, when I'm around you, I don't want to hurt people. Much, anyway. Anymore. Sort of.
[Which is about as close to 'getting his head quiet' as it really gets.]
If I had a better friend, don't you think I'd be living with them? [Not, of course, that Allison and Erica and Tempest and all of the others aren't great. But Scott is his alpha, Allison is more or less off limits- and has been weirdly distant anyway- Erica is... new and complicated. Who else would he be with?]
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You do know how to compliment a guy. What was that frown for?
[because he'd caught it, but not the source.]
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It's not- 'real' pack. It's just... home. This is real too, you know.
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[he looks away for a second, because he hadn't thought about it, hadn't really intended to undermine the importance of the fact that isaac could've just bailed, and he didn't, that he's struggling to stay.]
Sorry. That's not how I meant it. Original, I guess.
I know it's real, or you wouldn't be here.
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[But he's starting to smile again, and Isaac tucks the gameboy under his pillow, before lifting up to rest himself on his elbow. He doesn't want to talk about Scott now or try to compare the packs- not when he could be raking his gaze down Peter's rumpled pajamas and lingering rather pointedly.]
...I guess I shouldn't be surprised that there isn't a catch with a guy like you. No romance, no obligation or monogamy- you just want what you want, and you'll be happier with it in simple packages. Am I wrong?
action
Seems like you've got me figured out. Catches, locks, traps...really not my thing from either side.
[god only knows that their lives are tangled up so thoroughly anyway that naming it something or playing at romance seems extraordinarily pointless and kind of silly, even if peter was any good at that kind of thing.]
I just want what I want.
[he looks down the line of isaac's body, gaze slow]
Pretty. Simple.
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What are you going to do about it? [Ultimately, he just decides to go with the change in positions and leans in a little closer until their noses are almost touching and his eyes flicker with gold- powerful, daring him.]
Wanting, I mean.
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Taking that as an invitation, I think.
[he leans in to kiss isaac slow enough that isaac could pull away, his eyes open and watching, but there's no hesitation there at all. isaac's given him permission and he's taking it, and while there's not force in it, peter definitely kisses like he means it.]
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It feels entirely different, and Isaac leans closer into him, feeling the warmth from him, hearing the racing of his heart, and it makes him want to smile into the kiss. He doesn't pull away this time, doesn't change the subject and try to push what's happening to the back of his mind. There's just this- them, pressing lightly together in the bed that they've shared since first coming back from the moon.]
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...you've been waiting to do that.
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Yeah. You haven't?
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[He shrugs a little hopelessly.]
...confused, I guess. Not- sexually, just- you know, I didn't know what you wanted from me.
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[he lets out a self-depreciating little snort.]
I won't get mad at you for asking, y'know. Anything. If I don't want to answer I won't, but you can always ask. Didn't even realize I wasn't being clear. [he taps isaac's head gently with one fingertip.] Not quite a mindreader.
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[Isaac smiles back at him though and rolls again so he's on his opposite shoulder, back pressed warmly against Peter's chest.]
But now that we've got that settled, I think it's time I trained my sheepdog.
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[peter shifts a bit to get comfortable so that he can see the gameboy too, folding his pillow and pillowing that on his arm so that his chin rests on isaac's shoulder, his arm around isaac's chest in the same seatbelt-ish way that he does in the middle of the night when isaac has nightmares.]
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[He smiles at the familiar grip and reaches for the gameboy, playing on it for a few long, silent minutes. Every once in awhile, he'll murmur something back to Peter, nudge against his cheek when he's trying to get him to pay attention, points out a mechanic in the game- but when that gets tiresome, he's more than content to let himself relax fully against the other boy and close the game.
He'll probably fall asleep like this in a few minutes, without really saying another word. Just warm, comfortable, trusting.
It's been kind of an exhausting few days.]
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when isaac closes the gameboy peter lets his folded pillow unfold, drops an absent kiss on isaac's shoulder and then lies his head down where it usually goes. by the time isaac's breathing goes even in sleep, peter's dozing, and it doesn't take him much longer to fall asleep as well.]