freezerburned | IC Contact for Asgard

i dont really know who i can- uh, spit it at. Without it becoming a problem

im really freaking tired of problems.

What kind of problem? We've had no lack of them lately.

an emotional one i guess

people dont like it when you dont feel the way youre supposed to about things

I was not aware there was a specific way you were meant to feel about this. How do you feel?

i dont know

guilty when im alone and resentful when they tell me its not my fault.

and then part of me almost doesnt care

does that make me a bad person

No. You're still Isaac. You weren't just Isaac then, but that has little to do with whether you feel responsible. No one else's forgiveness will change that. If you aren't ready to be absolved, little is worse than absolution. You learn to live with the things that have happened, I think. It takes time. I still think that deep down you're a better person than me. This doesn't change my mind.

dunno how i could be. how could i not care about killing all those people? why isnt it bothering me as much as it should?

Because people die. This is a war. Killing them wasn't a decision you made, regardless of whether you remember doing it or not. It's different when you make the decision yourself.

maybe

i dont know. i go back and forth a lot. its pretty normal to feel opposite things about stuff right?

Things like this, certainly. You were willing to absolve me, but not yourself, after all, and I actually made the decision.

what decision? there was no choice

if you didnt i would have killed more. maybe erica or scott

There was a choice. Someone had to kill you, yes. It didn't have to be me. Not everyone agrees with the decision I made. And I'd made you a promise. It wasn't really you anymore, but you still knew that.

[a short pause.]

But this isn't a contest. I think you're allowed to feel however you want to feel about it, for however long you see fit.

who disagreed with you? ill talk to them

It doesn't matter. I already gave them quite a few words on the subject.

it does matter. they should hear it from me

[there's a long enough pause before she answers that it's really obvious she's debating telling him. but in the end, it's about him. he has a right to know.]

Derek.

[He's surprised at that, and it takes him a moment to respond. Of course. of course.]

...ill talk to him then

If you do, for your own sake, please. Not mine. I'm fairly sure I made my thoughts on the subject quite clear.

why shouldnt i do it for you? if youre the one hes mad at im gonna defend you

Because he's important to you.

i dont really know where we stand right now actually

[she doesn't really know what to do with that information. regardless of how she feels about how derek has been, isaac has always defended him before. he's never hesitated.]

Ah.

Well. I gave him a few strong words about it.

id kind of expect that from you actually

I've made a poor secret of my stubborn streak, I suppose.

[although in this case by 'stubborn' she means 'protective'. still, the slight teasing is something normalish, and it helps a little.]

In any case I have definitely not endeared myself.

to derek?

heres a tip: nobody endears themselves to derek

IC Contact for Asgard

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