freezerburned | IC Contact for Asgard

[ the sad truth is - no, he doesn't feel repentant for that. that's the problem, actually. even after everything and even under a spell, he doesn't give a shit about all of those minor slights, doesn't actually regret his lack of action when he should've helped.

and that's what the spell's made him acutely aware of: how incredibly awful it is that he doesn't even give a shit. ]

I'm sorry for being a selfish dick.

[ there's a million smaller apologies that fall under that umbrella, and this is him desperately trying to find a loophole to dodge addressing them. ]

...oh

[Well, there's one response. And he's not really wrong, but Isaac isn't sure what exactly he can do about that. He still hates him- possibly more than anyone else he's known, and he knows that if the positions were reversed, then Jackson would laugh and rub it in his face.

He's not really the bigger person here, because he wants to. But both Scott and Derek have threatened him against being cruel to Jackson at this point, and so Isaac hesitates, just a moment. Just enough to count.]

well you are one. its not like thats news to either of us. i just expect it from you

[ jackson might actually prefer mockery. actually, what he'd really prefer is for isaac to just ignore him, because maybe then it'd be easier to shut down whatever idiotic urge prompted him to apologize in the first place.

it's enough of a response that it makes it difficult to just bail on the conversation entirely. the next text isn't reluctant so much as it's resolved, slightly challenging; he'd rather commit to this than get dragged along for the ride. ]

How about killing your dad? Did you expect that from me?

[ which is probably the harshest phrasing he could've managed, and there's something selfish in the question, prior attempt at apologizing for that flaw aside. people thinking he's an asshole, whatever: he knows he is. people thinking he's a murderer, slightly different. ]

[If they were in person, Isaac probably would have hit him again.

No amount of Scott or Derek telling him that it wasn't Jackson's fault makes what happened okay. Mind controlled or not, he still acted in a way that destroyed what little fragments of a blood family that Isaac had left, and he'd done it in a way that left nobody really to blame.

Because it wasn't entirely Jackson's fault, was it? Was it Isaac's? Or Matt's? Or was it just the natural outcome of his father's temperament?

He never wanted him dead. He never wanted him dead. If he did, then he'd have killed him the first time his father laid hands on him after he took the bite. And if he'd been killed in self defense, if Mr. Lahey died while trying to take someone else's life, then it would have been a clean break, but he didn't. He was out in the rain, looking for his only remaining son. He was running from a monster, he was panicked and scared for his life.

Fuck.]

i dont know what you want me to say.

[And it's the truth, so much as anything else is.]

you dont feel guilty for that. you dont feel guilty for anything youve done to me and i wouldnt care if you did. i dont care if you feel bad that you killed people because i really dont care about you as a person. youre nothing.

you know how messed up my life was jackson. you know more than anyone what kind of a person i am. and i managed to not become a fucked up monster.

what does that say about you?

[ a few months ago, the only thing jackson would have responded with would be anger and denial. he knows that, even tries to dredge some up, but it's a lost cause. no matter how defensive he's been since he got here, how good a front he's put up for just being himself, the one they all expect - he's not.

he's still not expecting the reaction he ends up with. it's relief. which is screwed up on its own level, and it takes him a second to even recognize that's what it is; more than anything, he feels numb, detached. but this is the first time since everything ended that anyone's been seriously honest with him. it's the first time someone's said anything he agrees with, completely. ]

I know. It doesn't matter if I feel bad because people are still dead. It doesn't matter if I don't remember it because if I hadn't been fucked up in the first place it wouldn't have happened. I can't take any of it back.

I'm sorry I didn't stay dead.

I'll stay away from you.

[This entire conversation kind of leaves Isaac clueless. He doesn't know how to go forward, doesn't know how to respond, and overall, he doesn't feel satisfied, tearing into Jackson like that- because what he said is true. He doesn't care enough about Jackson's opinion or his feelings to really feel accomplished when the other boy is obviously hurt or feeling guilty or... whatever the hell this is.]

stop feeling sorry for yourself. what do you want from me? im not just going to tell you that everything is okay.

if i wanted you dead i would have killed you

That's not what this is.

[ only he's not so sure. he's selfish with everything else, why not this. he doesn't want isaac's pity - he knows that, if nothing else. it's his complete lack of it that he appreciates.

the truth is that jackson's just as lost with this conversation as isaac is, but he doesn't particularly care. maybe the honesty he's getting is enough. it would probably make sense to aim for more, to want forgiveness, but he knows he doesn't deserve that. ]

I don't want anything from you. I'm done.

[Isaac just lets out a massive sigh out loud as he stares down at the text. It takes him a few minutes to respond, but when he does, it's short, to the point.]

i know you didnt do it on purpose

[That's about all he can grant him. Isaac has felt the pull of the moon, the bloodlust, he remembers hurting people, almost attacking Stiles- and he knows the situation isn't the same, but there's a tiny part of him that feels empathy.

Who knows where that comes from.]

[ what the hell. coming from allison or scott, it'd be easy to ignore that comment; coming from isaac, it's way more jarring, and it takes him a second to reply. ]

I asked for the bite.

I get what you're trying to do [ except he doesn't, not remotely ] but I don't need excuses. I know it was my fault.

[ tone doesn't carry via text, but there's nothing overly emotional in the statement. it's him taking responsibility, not a bid for more sympathy. this is what a few months away has managed, the reason he didn't really fight leaving to begin with. he'd stopped hiding from his role in what'd happened, but he was still too much of a coward to face everyone back at beacon hills and really understand what they thought of him.

which is still all about him, and it occurs to him that rejecting isaac's attempt at... whatever the hell that was isn't actually an improvement on that. so, a few seconds later: ]

But thanks.

[ if that seems weak and incredibly lame, that's because it is. ]

im not trying to do anything. i told you i dont give a damn about your feelings

[Which is the long and short of it. He doesn't care about what Jackson feels (but maybe I'm sorry I didn't die is hard to hear anyway), which, in a way, makes him more brutally honest. He hates him. He does.

And whatever the hell this- this conversation, this argument, this something is, it doesn't change that. Jackson is sorry, sure- Jackson hates himself for killing people, that's understandable, but going to Isaac about it is strange, and it makes him feel more than a little uncomfortable.

He shouldn't. He should mock him and then hang up, but maybe Isaac has been spending too much time with Scott lately, or maybe he's just growing a little as a person, because he still doesn't do either of those things.

Even so. The next words are hard to think, harder to type out, and he almost doesn't send it anyway. It's too personal, exposes himself too much, to Jackson of all people. But Jackson has seen him vulnerable for years, and as much as Isaac tries to force it away and make him forget about it, the truth of it is always looming over his head. Jackson knew. He knew, and it shouldn't feel humiliating, but it does.]

why didnt you say anything?

[ he could lie. part of him wants to, to make himself look better; to make it less humiliating for isaac, maybe. because back then, he honestly didn't care – he didn't regret doing nothing, didn't feel sorry for isaac. even now that everything's different, it'd be bullshit to say he dwells on it. there's too much else stacked up for it to win out, and he knows on some level that that in itself is shitty.

isaac said it himself: jackson's fucked up. there's no point in lying. ]

Because you were nothing. Because everyone has problems and expecting someone to come in and save you is for children. Because I'm not responsible for anyone.

[ the mirroring of isaac's phrasing could probably be taken as a petty dig, but it rings more hollow. jackson doesn't mean it now. he doesn't particularly care about isaac; he doesn't really care about any of them, despite everything, but he doesn't hate them. he never did, even when it was all hitting the fan, with the kidnappings and the accusations – maybe because he knew they were right, vehement denial aside. he's also not oblivious to the fact that he owes them.

what it all comes down to is that jackson knows he can't fix any of it. maybe he wouldn't even if he could. the best he can do is not make it worse, and he's done a pretty shitty job of that since getting here. he's not the better man, probably won’t ever be capable of coming close to it, so ditching had been the best option. it might've actually worked if he hadn't been dragged here. ]

[The worst part is, in a weird, fucked up way, he sort of understands it. Maybe not coming from Jackson, the perfect, capable kid in the lap of luxury, but explained like that, he can almost understand the reasoning.

It doesn't make it any less of a shitty thing to do. It doesn't erase years of bruises and screams and nightmares. It doesn't make any of it okay, but it's... calming, in a way, just knowing. And maybe a little of the anger dissipates, and Isaac doesn't know why it does, but the urge to beat Jackson bloody isn't quite something on the forefront of his mind anymore.

God, they are both so fucked up.]

right. are we done?

[Because he doesn't want to thank Jackson for his apology for being a douchebag, and he doesn't particularly want to accept it or forgive him either. He doesn't know what to do with it, period, so he leaves it. Done.]

[ could've gone worse. jackson can't read the tone of the response, because text is useless, but he doesn't really care. isaac's done, so is he. ]

We're done.

[ it doesn't change anything. not on jackson's side, anyway, because that distance is still there; he did awful things, he feels bad, it doesn't mean he's that much better at really empathizing. the fact is that it took murder for him to start caring, and that's telling.

but he doesn't regret it, either - the brutal honesty, the lack of forgiveness. it's fitting, and it makes sense, and that's a lot more than he can say about most things lately. ]

IC Contact for Asgard

text;

text;

text;

text;

text; wow isaac tell him how you really feel!!

text sorry but youre kind of a jerk!!!

text pot kettle ok

text :\\\\\\

text :///////

text ;w;

text this was the worst idea also how extreme can my bracket-to-text ratio get

text i dont know but now im really upset

text pro.... gress........ ????